A Dog’s Life

Marcus doesn’t consider a day complete unless he can…

  1. Bark  loudly into your face a hundred times or so to show you how glad he is to see you.
  2. Run by you at top speed and lick you on any available piece of bare skin.
  3. Sneeze on you, focusing on your face or any patches of bare skin that he didn’t get to lick.
  4. Jump up on the couch as soon as you leave the room and drink your coffee, spilling most of it onto the upholstery.
  5. Help you put on his leash by jumping up and down, barking, and twisting in all directions while you try to fasten the leash snap to his collar.
  6. Sneak into the bedrooms, where he is forbidden to go, eat a pack of gum still in its wrappers, then vomit up the whole thing onto the wool carpet.
  7. Bark in his “stranger danger” voice at the man of the house, who has lived with Marcus for 11 years, as he comes up to the kitchen door.
  8. Bark at the turkeys who hang around in the yard, or the deer who come up from the canyon, or cats passing by, or (his favorite) at nothing at all.
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